Forever Isabel

Today’s post is not going to be the happiest or the most motivational but I feel like I need to write about this to make me feel better.

Today would have been my grandma’s birthday which normally I take this day just for me and to deal with all my negative emotions all at once. This day and the day of her death are the hardests of the entire year and eventhough I was only 8 those days haunt me forever and I don’t know if it is because she died or because of all the things that came after that… Saying things like this make it seem like she did something wrong to me which she didn’t! She was the best grandma i could’ve asked for and one of the best persons I’ve gladly met! I loved her with all my heart and I’m sure she did the same and still does from above.

I’ll tell you more about her. Her name was Isabel and she was from Angola. She was a primary teacher and the most fierce woman I’ve met (eventhough i only heard about her personal life after she passed away). She married my grandpa and had 3 kids (which the oldest of them all was my father) and then they moved here to Portugal. My grandpa started working in the angolan embassy and she was working in the ministry department until she renounced. She was an awesome mom, an overprotective grandma and above all an incredible person.

I don’t rememeber everything about her. When you loose someone the first thing that disappears from your memory is their voice. The things i remember the most is the things that were unsaid, every mondays when i used to sleep over at my dad’s and we slept in the same bed, the VICK that she used to put in my nose whenever i was sick, the only trip we did together to Algarve with my cousins and my younger sister and the day she bought me a TOBLERONE and i ate it all on the way home. Those are the good memories that I’ll hopefully carry with me through my life. I know she loved me with all her heart and soul and I’ll live for it! To make her proud of me and for my achievements in life. I will always love you and I garantee you that the people you left behind to protect me are doing an amazing job and have raised me to be a great woman just like you were. Thank you for everything!

And thank you for all of you for being here with me on this journey you have no idea of how gratefull I am for having you guys by my side reading my posts and giving me the support I need to continue with this dream that is writing. Have a nice thursday and I promise you that you’ll have an extra post on Sunday of me telling you all about how my 17th birthday went. See you guys on Sunday!

2021/04/15 cgdm

Children

Well hello again! I decided that from now on I’m setting a schedule on this blog so this will be a regular thing and you’d know that in a certain day in a certain hour you’ll get a post here. Let’s make it every thursday at 16:30! You’re more than welcome to come and read my weekly posts. Let’s start today’s post.

Yesterday i stayed over at my dad’s which it’s quite odd for me since I’m not even THAT close to that side of the family, never was and unfortunately I don’t think I will ever be. Well either way being there made me realize something: I really do hate children. Honestly is not that I don’t want to have children of my own it’s just that I lose my temper at breakneck speed. I like to have my own space and I enjoy living in my head a lot so any extra contact whatsoever isn’t really needed.

I don’t know if you have siblings but I have 3 ,1 younger sister and 2 older brothers and my sister’s from my dad side of the family so i spent the whole day with her and acknowledging that she’s almost 12 she won’t shut the f- up and eventhough I love her for god knows how i can’t stand her and her energy. SHE JUST CAN’T BE SILENT FOR MORE THAN 2 SECONDS and I’m a person that needs to recharge my social battery. Although we have a 5 year difference and it’s not that big of a difference when you are an adult , when it’s 5 years between a teenager that’s almost in her legal age and a child wanna be pre-adolescent it’s noticeable.

Eventhough we share genes sometimes I don’t really know if we’re actually sisters or not… We’re alike when it comes to physical looks but when it comes to the rest… I mean for those who know me and specially my sister know how different we are and i think for me it’s quite the advantage being the “calm”, smart and versatil one. Unfortunately for my sister she’s the outgoing, energetic and her interests are not science, politics nor anything related to those matters and honestly if she was my mom’s daughter she’d do way better than being my dad’s. I’m not saying that my dad’s bad or anything because he isn’t! He just has other life philosophies other than following your artistic personality and following your dreams and for my sister that means singing which she does quite well. I love her to death and I’ll do whatever it takes for her to achieve her dreams but for now i guess she’s stuck with her 5th grade math’s homework.

I just hope someday she’ll grow up to be a calmer person so i can actually STAND HER!

I guess that’s all for today’s post. I know it wasn’t THAT juicy but i promise that from now on I’ll do better since I have more time to write my posts. Thank you so much for the 20 likes on my blog’s posts. We are achieving goals every week and I’m so grateful for having you guys with me! I love you all from the bottom of my heart. See you next thursday!

2021/04/11 cgdm

Visible confusion of the day

FINALLY GOT ALL MY SCHOOL ASSIGNMENTS DONE FOR THE WEEK! So let’s make a deal here and i promise not to fail this one. During week days I’ll only post here if i have all my school assignments done so it motivates me more to do my school work because HONESTLY i leave everything for last minute. Anyway here’s last post if you want to check it out and let’s start today’s post.

Today was a good day but at some point i got quite bored when i got home and went on Omegle and of course there’s always those jerks (literally) and those girls who only talk with those skaterboys and soccer players but we all know that as soon as those guys get them on omegle they skip them which is quite funny I’m not going to lie. Surprisingly i got a very sweet girl who’s studying european law on university and we started talking about cinematography and our favorite movies and I even made a list of movies she told me to watch (might watch them later today even if it’s almost 10 pm and i got to wake up at 6 am to work out). She was very nice and after that very interesting conversation we started gossiping at some point and it was so much fun! Unfortunately we didn’t get the chance do change our social media so we could talk some more but at least i had a great time so if you’re seeing this (which she won’t) leave a comment on this post :).

I wasn’t planning on talking about that but either way i did so let’s start talking about what i planned for today’s post! Self confidence..AH for so long I’ve been struggling with the lack of it and for the first time in 9 years I feel great, I feel so f* alive and so happy with who I am right now! I don’t want this to end and I hope for future me to be as much confident as 16 year old me is! For those of you who struggle with that I’m here to tell you that IT IS POSSIBLE! YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE! It takes a lot of effort and it’s hard I’m not going to lie to you but it’s not impossible! In my case i needed to let go the things that were holding me back (including people) and started working on myself and myself only. You should try it if you have the same problem i used to have and eventhough you’ll have bad days there are going to be even more awesome (and when i say awesome i mean AWESOME) days to come i promise you!

Better days will come guys we just need to be patient and everything will eventually come around.

It’s all for today’s post. ALSO thank you so much for 11 followers on my blog. It’s insane the amount of love and support i’m receiving from you and i couldn’t be happier. I hope this family continues to grow every single day and if you need me you know I’ll be here (when my assignments are done yes we know it….).

LOADS OF KISSES

2021/04/08 cgdm

Oh Dreams.. sweet dreams

HEY HEY HEY YOU!! I know i failed at posting yesterday but i hope it won’t happen again. Either way I’m sorry! Here’s sunday’s post if you want to check it out!

So yesterday as i mentioned on the last post i had online school and eventhough i didn’t attend today’s classes i’m already a little bit overwhelmed with the pressure that the third and last term comes with. Most of the pressure I’ve been under is from my study centre but we won’t talk about it..

Lately on my TikTok fyp (for you page) has been popping up videos about following your dreams and leaving your little and toxic town and living THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS and I won’t deny it… it kinda grew on me and I really want to follow my dream but deep down I know it’s unrealistic. I feel like I’m a 5 year old child that can’t decide what she wants her future to be you know..? On mondays she wants to be a model, on tuesdays she wants to be a writer and the rest of the week she wants to be a photographer.

I’m going to confess you something! My dream has always been to be a model and a writer at the same time. I’ve always imagined myself spending all my days writing on my blog and at night on the fashion show’s runway. I even applied to a modeling agency when i was 10/11 and went to some pageants but I’ve never won anything for 3 main reasons:

1st: I’m not the wealthiest person not even near that.. In fact I’ve always struggled a little with money but I can’t complain because i was lucky enough to have a family that always worked hard to give me everything i wished for. I’d give the world to my mom and to my godmother for everything they’ve done for me if I could. But i never got the chance to have those dresses and clothes that they wanted on the pageants.

2nd: I must admit eventhough everyone around me always tried to make me believe that i was the most beautiful little girl in the world i wasn’t.

3rd: Not only was i “ugly” but a little too much chubby for modeling and lately i’ve been working hard to change that and I’m proud of myself for it!

And about the writing part… well i don’t think my writing will ever see the light of the day anyways so…. I’m currently in highschool and studying sciences and i don’t have bad grades myself so i guess i’m following paleontology.

I really hope someday i find myself happy with the choices that the future me will have to do even if it is either following my dreams or if it’s playing safe. I wish you all good luck and remember! FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!!! NEVER GIVE UP I KNOW YOU CAN! IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO FOLLOW THEM AND IT’S BETTER TO REGRET WHAT YOU’VE DONE THAN WHAT YOU HAVEN’T DONE!

Ps: thank you all for the 5 follows on my blog. I’m really happy and my heart is warm with all the comments and the support i’m receiving!

Until tomorrow!

2021/04/06 cgdm

My home turned into my school

Hello again! Yestarday’s post was me overthinking a really simple thing, but as a professional overthinker of course i’d overthink something that easy to understand. Click here to read it.

Today as promised I’ll talk about the end of my Easter vacation and going back to online school.

3 more months are left until summer and a half of me is super excited for that. Going to the beach with, sightseeing with my family, small hangouts and so much more is ahead of me (at least i’m hoping so). But the other half is already overwhelmed by all the work and study that’s also coming… 3 months of nonstop work, the weather warming up and the final exams coming up. I mean nothing great comes without some kind of effort but i’m not feeling ready for these 3 months without ANY sort of vacation and all that’s coming with that.

I don’t know if it is “finally”, but after the next 2 weeks of online school we’re coming back to school and not just in front of a computer. As i mentioned early I’m not sure if it is a great policy.. Although learning with an ACTUAL teacher is easier, all that comes with that i don’t think is worth it. To be honest i don’t fit in online school i just can’t learn! I’m at home and my motivation just goes down everytime i receive a new assignment. I really miss the old days when we would go to school and learn with a teacher and the rest of the class colleagues. Maybe some time soon…

Until tomorrow!

2021/04/04 cgdm

Some childish nonsense to be exact

Well hello again! Here´s the recap from yesterday (yup as if i was on a netflix show or whatever… i wish). Yesterday´s post was about past memories and how important it is to show others once in a while how much they matter to us click here to see.

Today i was going off to my daily workout (yes guys your girl´s been working out lately) and for some goddam reason i started overthinking about how people that are part of your life right now have already been through a lot of things in their life with other people. They´ve experienced things that now they are able to talk about because they have ALREADY experienced with someone else. Everything they´ve been through made them what they are today even if the experiences were either good or bad.

I don´t even know why i´m overthinking this! It´s common sense i mean… I´ve lived 17 years and a lot has happened since then (it´s not much comparing to what i´m expecting to live but who knows the future…) so why is it so weird for me to understand that my friends/family had a life before me? Am I being self centred right now? I mean that´s not my intention at all with this. I´M SUCH AN OVERTHINKER LIKE FOR GODSSAKE.

Anyway we shall continue after this second mental breakdown of the day. What was i saying? Oh right! I really wish i could see someone´s trailer you know? Like in the movies so i can understand the person better and what they´ve been through before meeting me. Wouldn´t it be helpful? Knowing the reason why someone acts around you. It´s not because they want to (mostly), life circumstances made them the way they are. I feel like I´m being quite redundant but i think you got the message.

Enough of this childish nonsense and let´s end today´s post before i lose my goddam mind. Tomorrow is the last day of Easter season which means I´m almost going to online school again… Tomorrow´s post will certainly be about that so stay tuned!

I´ll be right back!

2021/04/03 cgdm

Busy day busy life

Yesterday’s post was about starting to see others differently and not as some sort of competition (here’s the link if you want to check it out https://thisdailymedeiros.wordpress.com/2021/04/01/jealousy-is-a-sickness/) . Today my mom and I made some sugar cookies and somehow I remembered of when I was a kid, when my mom used to have a little cafe shop with my godmother, my mom and I used to have this little “rest day” when we would go shopping and eat mostly McDonald’s all day. It was like a weekly mom and daughter’s day you know? It was lots of fun from what I remember and I kind of miss those days when I was really happy with the little and simple things in life that almost no one sees and are so meaningless nowadays. I mean are we so consumed by school work and work itself that we forget that those little things can make someone else’s day for the better? Those little check up texts, those little walks by the lake, catching sunlight with a friend and talking about what’s bothering you both, even sitting on the couch with your family watching a movie or the news. Aren’t they important anymore? Are we so worried about having an amazing future that we forget about the present and the people around us? It shouldn’t be that way! Go hug your mom/dad/grandparent I don’t know whoever you want to right now and tell them how much they mean to you! After all we are not forever.. people are temporary and we can have our life taken away so easily by a disease, by murder, suicide I don’t know so many ways… why don’t we start LIVING more from now on? Let’s do something for us and for the people around us even if it is once a week/month.

As I did in my last post here are some tips/ things you can do for you and for others around you. Here are the tips:

TIP NUMBER 1 (SELF LOVE) : take a minute of your busy day/week/month and treat yourself up with something you enjoy! Do a hair/face mask, do your nails, read your favorite book, watch your favorite movie, dye your hair etc… Do something for yourself and drink water everyday as well!

TIP NUMBER 2 (FAMILY): if you still live with your parents or with a family member take a day out of your schedule to thank them for everything they’ve given you! Show them you love them and they are still a very important piece of your life’s puzzle. People have feelings and sometimes we make them feel left behind or that they are less important to us because of our busy lives :,) don’t let it happen ever again!

TIP NUMBER 3 (FRIENDS): as much as we try to keep in touch with our friends sometimes we can’t, we don’t take it personally because we all have our life and work to take care of. Nevertheless we can make some time even if it is ten minutes of our day and call to that friend that’s always been here for us no matter what.

TIP NUMBER 4 (ROMANTIC AFFAIRS): during these pandemic days I’ve seen a lot of couples falling apart for lack of quality time together. If you really love your partner make time for them even if it’s that little morning text, that FaceTime call until you both fall asleep. Remember there’s nothing better than those little gestures to make your partner’s day better! Show you love them as much as the start of the relationship and it’s not COVID that’s going to ruin you guys for good.

Today as I mentioned earlier, I made sugar cookies with my mom and we spent a great time together. I’m also trying to visit my godmother as much as possible so we can stay in touch and keep ourselves updated. I’m trying my best and I hope you’ll try as well! We can’t let this pandemic ruin us and our relationships with people that matter the most to us. I hope you have a great weekend and that’s all for today’s post :).

2021/04/02 cgdm

Jealousy is a disease

There will always be THIS thing that I can’t get over. Nope it’s not my ex boyfriend ,from him I just want distance, it’s people’s jealousy specially from those we always wish the best and cherish the most. No matter how harsh the start of the relationship might have been (no matter if it is a romantic or a friendship even a professional one) that jealousy or past impressions should be behind us so we can move forward. I’m not saying to forgive past events from people you know and have done some really bad things to you, that’s up to you to decide if you forgive them or not, if you’re able to put those things past you and move forward. The thing that’s bothering me is that even before you’ve met the person you had those bad impressions from them and you’re so consumed about the jealousy you feel about them that you try to get close to that person and show that you’re superior to them. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL-? What do you have in that little brain of yours to do something like that? It’s ok to try and become a better version of yourself and to feel great about your achievements but trying so hard to be better than a really , and I mean REALLY, close friend/colleague/partner to show off and to make them feel bad about themselves…… I don’t get it!

And I know life’s not perfect nor all the people around us are but let’s be kind to one another? Let’s try to be the best versions of ourselves without competition? The World would be so much better without that competition.. anyways I’m giving you guys some “tips” (I don’t know what to call it so we shall call it tips) to try and be less competitive with the world around us shall we, loves?

TIP NUMBER 1: look yourself in the mirror and reflect (tell me you got the joke :,D ) about what qualities you have and the things that you can change no matter if they are physical or psychological. Try and analyze if they are changeable (most things are with a little bit of effort) and what can you do to achieve them.

TIP NUMBER 2: think of others as team mates even if you don’t know them because after all we all are here for a reason!

TIP NUMBER 3: compliment others even if you don’t know them! If you see a girl or a boy with those really cute jeans, tell them what you thing (good things only are allowed! Don’t be jerks) and compliment their style for example.

TIP NUMBER 4: remember.. we are all humans and all of us have feelings and have been through some tough shit in our lives. BE BETTER!

I hope we all can be a better community after this. A good Easter to everyone and to those in high school or in college : remember to focus on your studies it will all be worth it in the end.

2021-04-01 cgdm

The start of something new pt.2

You guys are probably wondering “how boring her life must be to start a blog at her 17 years of life…”, “she’s young and has nothing to offer.” . I mean I don’t blame you. I’m no Malala Yousafzai nor Greta Thunberg, I’m just a common teenager with a common life living her teenage days in a bedroom ,full of books and vinyls, doing her homework and going to her online classes trying her best to not fall asleep in one of them. Even though I have not much to offer to you I think I can be a great fit to those who are experiencing the same thing as I am: “I’m almost 18 years old and I don’t feel like it!” “I’m almost at my legal drinking age and I don’t feel like it!” “It’s almost time for me to vote and I know nothing about it!”. So if you’re willing to come in this daily adventure of learning how to become an adult during this pandemic you’re free to come here everyday and check for updates. I promise you I’ll try my best to update you as soon as the clock ticks midnight here in Portugal. Come in this journey with me of how to slowly become a grown woman!

cgdm- 2021-03-31